Have you ever been going through life and you read something saw something heard something or even thought something and it just always stuck out to you. It might not of meant anything at that moment and it could been something so small that it seemed insignificant but for some reason it was significant to you.

I remember my freshmen year of college. I even think it was one of the first chapels i attended that one of my professor by the name of Mark Soto talked about the "Grace Bubble". He told us that the bubble could be a protection but if we don't get out of it and see the world for what it is then it could damage us. I remeber him saying this cause i didn't really know what he was talking about, until now.

I have realize that I allowed that bubble to overtake me and i started to believe that the "real world" was just a bigger version of what Grace College was like. Yeah there might be a little more sin out in the real world but for the most part it was the same.

This past year i have learned how people can screw with your mind and your feelings so much that you don't know what to believe.

One day i was talking to my good friend Laura and I had asked her a question about me. I don't know the exact question but i remember the answer and she said that she doesn't want to see me become someone i am not because she sees be changing to please people.

She is right...

This last year i have changed so much and i hate who i am. i want to go back to who i was. i want to become that Dottie that was cheerful and christ-centered. I want to have friends that are full of encouragement and life. I want to be around people who love christ as much as i love him and i want to not have my life full of sin.

but i don't know how to turn my life around because i am so confused and lost and i feel so alone.

At night time I dream about those days when i went to taco bell at midnight or had water fights with my friends. I dream about those days when i was truly accepted for who i really was. My freshmen year of college was the best year of my life and i just wish i could have another year like that, where i could cry and laugh because a fish died or could get books read to me, where we could go on radom road trips to catch a band.

I want all that to come back. I want my life back