I have been sitting here tonight thinking of my life and how much of my life rubs off onto other people. I have thought of all the people that have influenced me in one way or another. As i sit here and think about people i don't even know but have just seen as i live my day to day life and how they have influenced the decisions i make in my life. You come into contact with so many people in a day and they influence it one way or another. I thought about all the people i have influenced in some way. People i don't even know could have been influenced by me just by something i did. I am influenced by alot of people.
As i live with my nephew dj and he watches me and how i act to certain things he is being influenced by my life. it makes me think about what kind of life i want to live and need to live. We aren't here for ourselves to do as we please. we have responsibilities to others as well as to God. We need to stop being selfish and live our lifes like God would want us to.
I think about how many selfish things i choose everyday. i would rather play on the computer or text my friends then play with my nephew. I get mad when people interrupt me when i am talking to my friends. when it come to my friends i can become a monster when that is taken away from me. I am being selfish and telling my nephew that he comes second.

Can't buy me love

Today reminded me of my childhood when my mom and I would watch movies together. Since we are the only ones home we are able to relax and watch TV. My mom was watching the movie "Can't buy me love". Since i was upstairs laying on the couch i ended up watching it too.

I really liked the moral of the story and what the dude said at the end rang true in my life. Ronald Miller paid a girl 1000 dollars to act like they were dating. He was a nerd and wanted to become a jock but at the end of the movie he realizes that he can't buy love and he needs to be himself. He realizes that is hard enough trying to be who he is why make it harder trying to be someone he isn't.

I have tried to "buy" peoples love so many times. I am so afraid that if i didnt work for it then i wouldn't get it so i would do crazy things to get accepted. Like make sure i captilized all my i's everytime i wrote a blog when i really can personally care less if they are captilized or not. I finally realized that i am working so hard to keep my friends that i got tired of it and realized that if this is what i have to do then i don't want friends so I quit...


BUT

I then realized that i was doing it all for nothing cause it was driving them nuts too and the loved me and accepted me for who i was and i was doing all this stuff because i didn't know who i was. Now i am on a journey to figure out who i am and i have one of the coolest people in my life that accepts me just the way i am. I am so glad i can relax and be myself and she will accept it and yet help me grow more towards God. Love is one thing that we need to stop trying to gain because it is one thing that only can be given not bought.

The Journey

These past couple of weeks I have been asking myself a couple of questions. Pretty much I was wondering why God would want me to go through things that he doesn't approve of and he says so in his word. I have been discussing it with a friend of mine. I really haven't shared it with alot of people because ever since moving back home I have been going through a period in my life where I want to get to know me and who I am. I don't want other people's thoughts and beliefs to interfere with my time of questioning.

Last Night as I was laying in bed thinking of life and things i have been going through. I started to think about Jesus and his life. God sent Jesus to die on the cross but if you look before the he was on the cross. Did God have to send Jesus through all of that torture and pain? Jesus had to die in order for God's creation to be saved. Did it matter how he died? Could Jesus just have been beheaded? As i was thinking about Jeus and his journey to the cross I realized that Jesus really suffered alot and he didn't do anything to deserve it.

I have asked myself often why do I have this struggle in my life and all i want is for it to vanish cause i don't want to struggle with it anymore. I didn't do anything to deserve it. I didn't ask for you or bring it upon me. Its not I took a puff of a cigerette and now i am hooked or drank a beer and now i can't stop. Its not like that. I just lived my life and one day i started having feeling and thoughts about others.

We all have different journeys in life and we come into struggles that we bring upon ourself and struggles that we have no idea where they came from. As i have been looking at Jesus and his journey to the cross. It was a hard, painful, torturing journey that he didn't deserve but that journey was lead him to fullfill his purpose.

I want to encourage you to keep on fighting to follow Jesus and times will get rough and we have a painful and hard journey also but just like Jesus' journey, our journey will lead us to fulfill our purpose in life.

Keep your eyes on what lies ahead and know that with Christ we can do it.

Thanks

This is so true. It takes the words right out of my mouth. thanks for everything :)

Simon

I am not a huge fan of american idol but a friend had me watch it with her and her family last week and i decided to watch it again this week. One thing that i like on this show is Simon. Not many people like him but if you watch the contestants they react to Simon's opinion. After they finish there song they know that Randy will give his opinion and he will surgar coat everything and Paula does the same thing but Simon he is just blunt and honest. Yes he might be a little overboard at times but all the contestant want to know what Simon as to say more then the other two. I had to ask myself why is that ? This is why..

They know that unlike paula and randy who always are positive Simon will tell them the truth so when he says it is good they know it was really good. Where as paula and simon always say something not to hurt the singers feelings but simon doesn't care he says the truth and even though he says things that might be harsh but true when he says the positive things they know he really means it.

I have a friend like that and that is something that i absolutly love about her because i know she means what she says and she is not one to just say it to make you feel good about yourself.

-

Have you ever looked at a tombstone and all the stuff they put on it? There are so many things that you can decorate it with. It has the date you were born and the date you died. If you ever look in between the two dates you see the same thing you see in the title box. You see a dash. That dash resembles the life you lived. its only about an inch or two long but it resembles years. The bible tells us that are life is short. What do you want people to remember when they look at that dash on your tombstone. you have one dash and its not that long just like you have one life that isn't that long. live it well

question

If you had one chance to have a do over in your life what would you change?

I heard this question on a movie tonight and i have been thinking about it.

What is underneath your clothes

I really like one tree hill. Something always hits home to me when i watch it and i just start thinking. Tonight and for a couple weeks the bartender and Brooke have been talking. He is trying to get brooke to see that her passion is being smothered by her mom. He keeps asking her what is underneath her clothes? Brooke owns her own clothing company and so when he asks her that question he wants to know what is in her heart. If the company was no more what is her passion. If you observe brooke any you will see that she loves her friends and would do anything for them. She is not greedy with her money and loves to help out her friends. However she is letting her mom keep her from doing what she is passionate about.

What is underneath your clothes? What are you passionate about? What are you allowing to get in your way to go after your passion?

thank you

This past two weeks so much has happened with me that I don't even know where to start. God has truly blessed me with so much and as I spent time with him today i was reminded of that. As I am continuing to learn to keep him first in my life and trust him I find myself coming to him to keep giving him stuff that I take back. The Lord is awesome and I just think of the things that i have that i don't deserve and How he has proven himself over and over. As I continuew to go through my workbook and continure to learn and grow i continue finding myself thanking God for my life.