I am going to Love again

I thought once i met melissa that would be the end of my love life as i know it. I never thought that I would be able to fall in love again. But I know one day I will find the person of my dreams and I will be able to love them and possibly more then i ever loved her. you ask me how i know this? I know this cause I can feel it inside me. I find myself dreaming of her and the love i have for her is so deep and true. When i think of her i smile. I just cant wait to be with her and i cant wait to meet her.

I found her:)

JML2

Dear JML

I miss you so much! You are like a sister to me and i need alot of advice and your not here. i know you are going through alot and i know it cant be easy. I dont want to sound selfish cause i been where you have been . but i want you to know that your my friend, one of the only true friends i ever had. I miss you

Life, as we know it

This quote has stuck in my head this morning and have been thinking about Life as I know it to be. Life is crazy at times and very frustrating because we humans arent cut from cooking cutters and we dont all have the same thoughts or feelings about situations. Some of us just cant imagine one would feel a certain way after a situation happens.
My brother for example is going through a break up and he keeps saying " if she really loved me then she wouldnt have done that" in his mind there is no possible way that his exgirlfriend would have made the actions that she did if she really loved him.  But  yeah she could have loved him and made those actions and only she knows the truth behind her actions.
   Life as I know it is different the Life as you know it. We both can think something very oppisite and yet both be correct. I am learning every day and I love to share what i learn about the life i know If you have read any of my previous post you will know that I am one who struggles/struggled with a homosexual lifestyle. I have dated only one girl and I love her with every ounce of my body. I have also struggled with not wanting those homosexual feelings and with being who i believe God wants me to be.  One of my people that I look up to and adore alot is Chely Wright. After watching her documentry i fell in love with her cause I knew the struggles that she went through and she helped me see the light. Allthough i didnt follow in the same direction as she did i still admire her greatly and I learned that God loves me unconditionally.
      Today I am learning more about life and its changing greatly. I am in a true real relationship with a man who loves me more and more everyday. He accepts everything about me . when i look at him i just get so emotional cause i know his love is real and true love is a very scary thing. I see God's love through him. Being with him makes me love my womanhood and the desire to want to be a guy is no longer there. I find myself wanting to be pampered. i find myself wanting to dance in fields. I find myself wanting to scream with joy!!!! and I love it!!!
  I love it so much that i want to share it with you!! I want you to know my fears and my joys. I want you to know that Life as I know it may be different then you know it but thats ok because its our life and there is a purpose to it.
     As for those wondering about Melissa, the woman i love. She still lives in Florida and has a boyfriend. I talk to her every so often and she says she is doing well. I told her about Donald and she was happy for me. We know that God has a plan for the both of us and we have both accepted that his plan wasn't for us to be together. I am so glad that I listened to God cause I know Donald is the one for me.  Life! isnt it such a crazy journey. Welcome to my Life as I know it. 

JML

Dear JML,

I have been thinking about you alot lately and i have alot that i want to tell you. However your phone is off and I dont want to go looking for you if you dont want to be looked for so I decided to write you one here. I know our God and if  He wants you to see this then you will if not then at least I got it off my mind and out of my system.

 First of all i want to tell you that I miss you alot and think of you always. I hope your doing good and growing deeper with your walk with God.  I find myself upset with you at times but thats just because there are alot of things that are unknown to me and also the fact that I have a friend that I cant talk to right now. You were and are a true friend to me and I meant that when i told you that your friendship with me is not connected with your relationship to my brother. I miss you and miss hearing about your life and telling you about my life. But i rest in the fact that I know God has you in his loving arms and everything will be ok.

Now I want to thank you!!! I dont know if it should be a thank you but I do want you to know that there has been some good that came out of this experience and  i know if it hasnt happened already there will be more good  that comes out of it.  I have found the love of my life. He has always been right in front of my face i just didnt want to admit it.  I am so happy and very very scared but I just know that the scary part is good and i can go through it.

I truly hope you find true love someday, if its my bro good if not then so be it. As long as you continue to put God number 1 and He loves and respects you. I know why you did what you did but just know I pray for you and wish the best for you.

Love always
ME