The morning after

This morning i woke up to my stomach hurting and having to go to the bathroom really bad. After sitting on the throne for about ten min i felt better. The first words that Chris said when he came out of his room was that he just finished throwing up. yeah it was the ribs! I don't think they were cooked all the way through plus there was alot of fat. whatever it was the ribs didn't like us as much as we liked them.

Brighter Day

After Work I Got A Chance To Have A Little Alone Time In The Condo. I Was Reading My Book And Thinking About Life. I Started Thinking About Things That Get Me In A Sad Mood. While I Was Reading My Room Mate Chris Came Home With Some Ribs. We Threw Them In The Oven And While The Were Cooking We Busted Out Some Christmas Music And And Christmas Decorations And Started Decorating The Condo. We Don't Have A Christmas Tree And Are To Cheap To Buy One So We Used His Surf Board As A Tree. It Really Brighten My Day And Showed Me That I Can Have Fun With Other People. I Really Enjoyed It.

My head

this is just a little blurp to say i need to stop hitting my head on things. i have hit it at least once every day. I just don't get it but i wonder how many holes or bumps that would show if i were to shave my head.

Sit back and watch?

Image someone that means alot to you getting beaten to death as you sit there and watch because that is all you can do.
As I read about how God got the front row seat to watch his son get beaten then hung on the cross and all he could do his sit back and watch. He was angry and upset and probably wanted to step in but He knew the out come of this so he let it happen. That amazes me. I hate seeing people hurt especially people i car about. I am always stepping up and helping others so they don't hurt and can be comfortable because i love them. But I wonder if I would just sit back and watch and let them hurt or be uncomfortable for a little while if we would get to see something better in the future which would even show my love more? What would happen if we would sit back and watch?

Baptism

Tonight I will be getting baptized and there are so many things going through my head. I might be making it a bigger deal then it is or I might be giving it the right amount of attention. Either way it is something big for me and there are so many people that i wish could be there to watch. There will be three or four people that i know that will be there but it just isn't the same. Yeah i am glad that they will be there but there are so many more people that i wish were there. Its not about people being there and I am not doing for people and i need to remember that the God will be watching and that is the most important thing:) All that said I am looking forward to tonight and am glad i decided to look baptism in the face and study about it on break. Also my coworker is the randomness person alive and wants me to Blog how he is the coolest tech partner ever. I would have to say local guy tech ever

Whats Your View

As I am reading through the book Search for Significance I have been learning alot. Today I have been wrestling with how i view God how my view of him dictates how i ultimately view myself and how i view others. There are times when I feel like a failure to someone because I made a mistake and that person didn't like it and let me know about it. I then start feeling like a failure and that my value has dropped. This all stems from my view of God. How do you view God? How do you view yourself and others?

His place

There is so much going on in my head and i am having a hard time getting it out of my head onto here. I am really frustrated with myself because i have been trying to force people to take the role of God and meet the needs that only He can meet. I am at the point in my life where i just don't get it life any more. I try and try to please the people in my life that i care about. I go out of my way to do things for them with the expectation that they might tell me that they care about me. I know these people care about me (even on the days that i questioned in)but i hava to fight the thoughts that go through my head that i am a failure and if is don't do certian things then i won't be accepted. I am tire of fighting them. i am tired of doing things for others just to feel accepted. i know that i am already loved and accepted. I really want life to flow by and i just go with it and not feel like everything has to be ok for me to be ok.

Would you? Could You?

As i was reading my bible today i starting thinking about what Jesus did for us. Jesus died for his enemies! As i started to put this into perspective i asked myself if i would take the death penalty for a person who killed one of my family members? Would I die for someone who raped me? Could i give my life so that someone who beat me and abused me could live on and on forever?

This is what Christ did when he died for us. We are those kind of people and yet he still said Even though you hurt me, abused me, beat me, lied to me, stole from me, assaulted me, raped me, and killed me i still love you and will give me life for YOU!

what about you? Could you do that? Would you do that?

I was made by HIM for HIM

"When God considers you, does He decieve Himself in some way or does He know who you truly are? If He know who we truly are, then why do we preface His understanding of us with phrases such as "in God's eyes we are righteous" or " forgiven" or "loved" or " pleased" and so on? Are we trying to say that God is not living in reality? That He is somehow involved in self-deception? Is He just some old grandparent type who wants to overlook the faults of his grandchildren? Either He really know who you are or He doesn't. Playing with words thes way keeps us from experiencing the reality of who we are. It also dishonors who God is."

" If you think of yourself differently than God thinks of you, who is mistaken, you or God? How often do we allow our minds to overrule what God says is true? Keep in mind, you were made by God and for God. He has placed within you needs that only He can meet. If we try to have these needs met by another person or persons, we will end up frustrated, angry, and unfulfilled."

"If we know who we are, we will not try to become someone else in order to have value and meaning in our lives. If we don't know who we are, we will try to become someone who someone else wants us to be"

These are three quotes from the book i am reading called "Search for Significance". As i was reading them they all rang true in my life. God does see me as who i am and yet he is pleased and he loves me. I don't think like that as much as i should. Instead i go around trying to get other people to be pleased with me and I try to get them to meet the needs that only God can meet. By doing this i slowly become the person they want me to be and i stop being the person God created me to be.

Baptism and conviction

I just got off the phone with one of my friends. Lately i have been decided to ask my friends some hard questions and so i was asking the perticular friend some questions and she endedd up hanging up on me. I knew that she didn't like to hear what i had to say. After i got off the phone i started to think about how i have been looking into baptism and God does command it and by me choosing not to get baptized for whatever reason i am disobeying God. I think that in life we like to choose the answer that best suits us. We want to live an easy life and when someone stands up and says something hard and true we want to shy away from it. I know that i have always wanted to think of baptism as something we should do but it isn't a command. But i think it is a command and i need to obey the command and not worry about what people think about it but just do it because God commands it. the truth hurts sometime

I want to be just like......

Through reading and watching television today i started to think about how i have wanted and tried to be all kinds of different people. i rememember when elementary school when i wante to be just like Michael Jordan. When i got into high school i want to be just like Rudy Ruttiger. When i got to college i wanted to be just like my friends. i wanted to be smart and i wanted to like to read and get into the college thing. I still try to be or have the desire to be like other people. As i thought through all of this i realized that if God wanted me to be some one else he would have made me them but he didn't. He wanted me to be Dorothy Batta and he created me to have a relational side and made me who i am and i need to learn to want to be me. So i want to be just like Dorothy Batta because that is who God made me and i am the only one that can be me. :)

Substance

Does your relationships have any substance to them? i have had this question in my head for a while and i have been trying to avoid it and get it out of my head because i didn't want to answer it cause i knew i didn't want to me honest with myself. Today i finally gave in and looked that question in the eye and admitted that i don't have a single realationship with substance. When i asked my friend she said the same thing. But then a cool thing happened we decided to put substance in out friendship and i just want to say that God is so Good and so cool. HE KNOWS What he doing and its all way to cool what he has been showing me this past week.

I encourage you to ask the hard questions in life and you will be able to grow from them.