Free

Is there anything that you like to do that give you the sense that you are free? What does being free feel like to you? I am asking these questions because I just finished watching Flicka and at the end of the movie Katie says that when she is riding Flicka it makes her feel free. I started thinking about what makes me feel free and with out a doubt it is when I am rollerblading. Especially going down a huge hill and you don’t know if there will be a car coming towards you and you can’t stop. Being Free is totally when you take everything out of your control and give it to God . When I am skating down a hill and I know that I am not able to stop and I am giving God all the control that I have . I spread my arms out and tell god Hear I am. Free as a bird take me and do with me as you please. My flesh is as scared as can be but my soul the part that God has complete control over is so calm and free. So I ask you what is something you do that gives you that sense of complete freedom.

Nadine hug

Today as i was walking into the bedroom i got the sense of how i crave a nadine hug. My freshmen year of college there was this girl on my hall who always gave th ebest hugs ever. After breaks when i would see her i would alway go up to her and get a hug from her and it really showed me that i was loved. we don't talk a whole lot anymore. i don't talk to alot of my friends anymore. i don't like it and it hurts but i will get use to it. to be honest i really wish it didn't turn out this way but life is life and that is the direction that it is going. we all grow up and grow differently. anyways this blog is for nadine. thanks for all those hugs that you gave me.

Maybe i was wrong

i have been in florida for about a month now and the one thing that i have realized more and more is that people only care about you when it is convient for them. i am learning what it is like to become a true friend and how a true friend sticks with you when you are the most unpleasent person to be around. True friends are ther with you through the good and the bad.

Last night i went to church to see some people and talk to them and i was really disappointed by the reaction i got. Now i know it isn't all about me and i don't want it to be but i would like to at least get a hi and talk a little to them. i also wouldn't like to get interrupted every freaken time i tried to speak. One of the main reason i went besides the fact that Ashley told me i was going because i couldn't make up my mind was because i wanted to get a book from keith and because keith told me to tell ashley that she has to go. So pretty much it was to see keith and he didn't even say one word to us. it gets frustrating.

It gets even more frustrating when your so called friends back home don't even seem to have time for you anymore. i understand that people get busy and i am not the one thing on their mind but why make a big deal about me or anyone calling or hanging out if they don't want to talk or do anything.

i know i haven't been a great friend to them the last year and a half and I have chose to choose to hang out with ashley most of my time that i have but in all honesty i am starting to think that i made a good choice.

all in all it just isn't something i am use to and i thought i had a better group of friends. anyways i am done talking.

Oberservations of the bible

Like i stated in my previous post i am reading through the bible. i am still in genesis and if i would have my computer right beside me as i was reading it i would have so many things to say because i have noticed a whole bunch of stuff that just makes me stop and ponder on it. i am going to try to remember some of the things that i wanted to write on here and that i thought about.

First of all Abraham totally says that Racheal is sister TWICE!. i could see him doing it once but he totally does it again. then his son does it also. i just laughed when i read that this morning. it is amazing how we don't learn from our mistakes.

Secondly i have found myself asking If God was only on Abraham's side? I ask this because that is the linage (sp?) that he used for Jesus and he says that he was but what about other people. does God love him better than the rest of his creation? Also if Abraham knew God was on his side why would he have to go and lie about racheal being his sister. i mean he has got the Creator of the world and everything in the world backing him up.

i don't know it just makes me think about so many things that i have to stop reading and just think about it.

Another thing is that God knew the Jacob was going to rule over Esau. Would you say that it was wrong of Jacob on how he went about getting the birth right? Wonder what God thought about that? these are the kind of things that confuse me because God knew it was going to happen and Jacob bribed Esau and even with rebekah and how she fooled Issac. Which i would think would be wrong and yet i feel like in God's mind it was all ok and that was the plan on how to get Jacob to rule over his brother. i don't know but it really confusing to me and just makes me think about it more and more.

k well i think i am done for now. i will blog more after i read some more.

just like us

So I have decided to read my bible all the way through because it is something that I have never done and thought now would be a good time to start. I am just reading it and not doing a lot of thinking with it but some things still jump out at me. Tonight when I was reading it I was reading about Abraham and Sarah and I have noticed more and more how they are just like us. I think that a lot of people including me think that the people of the bible are better then us and really they are not. They are just humans like all of us and they do and think that same old stupid stuff that we think. That is something that has struck me while I have been reading the bible. It has been good so far and I am enjoying reading it which is amazing because before I wasn’t enjoying it when I read it. I felt like I had to do it just because it is something I should and not because it was something I wanted to do. Now it is something that I want to do and I am enjoying reading the bible.

pay it forward

i got up this moring to go to the bathroom around 1ish and after that i had a restless sleep. i kept waking up because i could not get a thought out of my mind. i watched the movie pay it forward before i went to bed and for some reason i thought about how cool it would be to actually implement it in my own life. so my mind started flowing and i thought about how i could talk to dr manahan (Grace college president) and see if he would talk to dane miller( big shot at zimmer) and tell them both of my idea and see if dane miller would give my sister a job there along with her boyfriend so they can move to warsaw and start over. i even thought about telling dane how my sister smokes pot and ask him to give her a month to get it out of her system and also go and extra stretch and find her a place to live. pretty much give her a begining of a new life so she can start over and make better choices. it worked out pretty good in my mind but i quickly came back to reality and realized that people aren't like this and things don't go as perfect as i dream about them in my head. It would be really cool if things would go like that and we could do stuff for others that could truly change their life. if it were possible i would be so busy because i have so many people that i would want to help change their circumstances. hopefully they might pay it forward but i just wish i could actually do the things i think and dream about doing to make people's life easier for them.

Hold Please.

Recently i have been doing alot more reading then i have been when i was in school. i just finished reading " In the Presence of my enemies" which was a really good book. i really enjoyed it. The book i am reading now is called" On a hill too far away" by John fischer. Ashley chose it for me because she wanted to choose my next book so i told her she could and so she did. At first i didn't like it but now it is growing on me and i am starting to like it. it is forcing me to open my mind up and actually think about the cross. this book puts the cross right in your face and anytime i look at a cross i just think about what fischer is saying and my minds starts to go. The funny thing about is that i have gotten back into making the crosses that my dad taught me how to make. So i think about what the book is saying as i am making them.
I have recently been thinking about my relationship with Christ and how i tend to cheat him alot. the other day i was thinking about how if it wasn't for him i wouldn't be able to be where i am now. i was riding in the car coming back from somewhere how i treat him. Even today i was thinking about it. take my friend ashley for instants. i tend to stop doing anything when she wants my attention. if i am on the phone i will tell the person to hold on, if i am reading i will stop reading, if i am hanging out with someone else and ashley calls i answer it, if i am watching tv i will stop focusing on it and see what she wants. i will even tell god to hold on if she is trying to tell me something.Why do i do this? because that relationship is important to me and i care about her . Now if you were to ask me if i do that with chirst? yeah lets just not go there. sadly i just pretty much tell him later. i will do my devotions later. i will read the bible later or after i am done with this ( then i tend to still not do it). Also alot of times when i do my devotions i do them just to get it finished and i don't like it when other people do stuff just to do it and get it out of the way. So this is what this book as gotten me to think about lately and i really want to changed that. i want to tell the person of the phone to hold on a min because god is talking to me or shut off the tv because god is speaking. Now i do this with my other friends too i just happened to use her for and example because i live with her so i can see it happen more frequently then i can with others. this book has been hard to read but it has been convicting me alot also and that is something that i need.

An Update

i went to the beach today and i got to see dolphins which was really cool because i have never got to see them before and it was cool seeing them in the wild. i found alot of shark teeth also. i got sunburned too. i also saw a sea slug. as far as the beach that is all the fun i had there.

other then that i am still looking for a job. all i really do is sleep read watch movies and talk to ashouiqa.

Something that i have notices since i have moved down here is that i have lost contact with the rest of my friends. i am getting to the point where i just don't car anymore. they are always complaing to me that people never call them and yet they do the same thing. i think i am starting to accept the fact that they don't call and i am starting to get use to it. it seems like people want to keep in contact but they don't want to do the work they want the other person to do it. in a way it bothers me but i know before long i will have a job and i will have new friends to hang out with. i am glad that i chose to hang with the one friend i know i can count on to be there for me.

other then all of this i am not doing much.