Straight UP

So my friend blogged about accountability and i responded back to it and it led me to a question about myself. Why does it bother me so much when she gets upset? i don't understand why i get that way. When my friend Zito calls me up and starts talking about her problems to me i tell her straight up what i am thinking and i don't care if i offend her or upset her in anyway. i tell her like it is and sometimes it is something that she needs to work on and sometimes it is not. Same thing with my friend bekah i tell her straight up also but why can't i be straight up with the one friend that i would consider to be my best friend. here are some reason that i thought about and maybe i can find ways to get over it and stop being scared and start being straight up

1. I am afraid that she will stop being my friend.
I haven't figured out why i am so worried about that. Lately i have been thinking about it and it finally clicked that if i focused on God like i have foucused on my friend and our friendship then i would be doing great. i realized that i need to foucus on God and by doing that i won't care if she gets upset when i am honest with her and she gets upset. ( that last statement was the hardest thing for me to write)

2. I feel like i am waisting my time.
there are times when i tell her something and i get the impression that she can't really care less what i am saying to her. i don't know if that is true or not but that is what i percieve. now that could be true or it could be me and how i am percieving it. i need to realize that whether she care or not i still need to be straight up and honest with her because i am called to do that as one of her friends. How she responds to it is in her court and up to her.

Those are the only two i can think about right now maybe you can think of some. If i consider her to be my best friend then she should be the one that i am the most honest and straight with.

Domestic Partnership Affidavit

I recieved my insurance stuff in the mail today and i was totally confused. As i read through the papers i still didn't get what was going on so i called them up and asked them what these papers meant. i said" Hello i have these two papers in front of me and i was wondering what i am supposed to do with them. One say my Dorothy's benefits summary and the other say Domestic Partnership Affidavit". the guys relpies " the first one is just your summary and it is for your records and the second one is for you partner to fill out" i reply back a little confused " i am not gay" . This lead him to laughing which made me laugh becuase he could tell that i was really confused with that paper and he apologized and said that they probably put it in their on accident. i know reading this isn't as humorus has being there but it was funning to here that guy laughing because i was confused.

Panera thoughts

When i am at work there isn't alot of time that i am able to think about random stuff but i got that privilege the last two days while i was working. here is what i thought about.

1. As i was sitting down eating and enjoying my break i saw this lady that reminded me of my grandma. i spent my whole break watching her with her friends and thinking about my grandma. i started to wonder if my grandma knew i moved to florida, if she wish she could have saw me graduate, if she even knew i graduated, what was she up to. all these thoughts took me back to when i was younger and we got to spend the night with her and how we would play games with us. when it was time for bed she would either rub my feet or my back to put me to sleep. i really miss my grandma and i wish i would have visited her more often when i was in Indiana.

2. today as i was doing prep with tim we started talking about how people would steal meat. It eventually lead to talking about the cameras that they have in there. Jackie (the manager) was telling us how corporate can see what we were doing at this exact time. Here is a litte note for everyone that didn't know this The Corporate Office is in St. Louis. Which means that there is alot of technology and people that i have never met could be watching me. All this led to me thinking about how many cameras are out in our society watching us and we don't even know that they are there. So the next time you think no one is watching because no one is around think again :)

First place

i was reading my devotion journal this morning and i think God finally got through to me. As i was reading it i was also thinking about i feel like i try so hard to engage with people and show them that i truly care for them and i get nothing back. i don't know how many emails i have sent out that people just don't reply back to for one reason or another or phone calls that people haven't returned. Yesterday after i found out that my dad hasn't been keeping is word and hasn't been paying my college bill like he said he would, i just had all i could take. i feel like i am always trying and never getting the results that i want to get. so as i was reading this is what i learned
1. it sucks when you aren't in controll
2. Everyone that i want to love me God created them.
3. If i just put my time learning about and loving God the way that i learn about and love people them maybe i won't always feel like i am worthless and go unnoticed.
4. i need to put God back where he belongs. Back in first place

Yesterday

Yesterday, Ashley made this comment " we can pick up the movie because we will be going up there yesterday" she really meant to say tomorrow which would be today.
Yesterday that quote was funnier
Yesterday i wanted to blog about it but my computer was being stupid
Yesterday i got stupider because of listening to Ashley's brother at dinner ( ie funnier? stupider?)
Yesterday is now past and so now it is the day after yesterday and We are back to normal