My trash, God's treasure

In my last post ( which was last year) i wrote about how i want to be the old Dottie. I remember writing that cause after I wrote that blog i went home and wrote a prayer to God about how i want to have my faith back.

For the last two years i have been living in sin. I knew it was wrong before i made the commitment but still went ahead with it. At first it was fun. I felt like i have finally found the real me and i felt so free and loved. For the first time in my life i felt like i was on top of the world. I said yes to dating a girl who i grew to love( or so i thoutht) as my wife. The first month was great. Then things start going downhill and they never again went uphill. I hung in there through everything thinking it would get better but it never did. I found out things about her that i didn't like but i was already trapped in the lie of satan. There were so many times I would be fed up with her and my life and would leave only to miss her and go back to it.

I knew that I truly did care about her and loved her the way Christ loved her but i also was "in love" with her and they mushed together where i couldn't see the difference. I hated things she did but i was her enableler and allowed it to happen. I didn't want to lose her so i would put up with everything. I started getting bitter and angry with her for hurting me. I just shoved it down inside me.

I lost everything and still hung around all because i was so desperate to have that love and know that i was loved.

We both cared about each other but we were living in sin and because we are children of God it wasn't setting well with us. She was tired and I was tired. She decided she was going to change and one thing was breaking up with me. I was devastated. i stuck with her for two years and now she was going to break up with me. I was hurt at first cause the love i was trying to get was no longer possible ( or so i thought) .

What really was happening was God was answering my prayer. He was bringing back the old Dottie. I starting realizing that God loves me and he wants me to have a better life. He created me and knows that Dottie isn't full of anger and bitterness but full of love joy and fun. I started realizing that man can not give me what i am looking for. People can tell me that but God will show you.

I starting seeing love come back in my life and true Godly love for her. I decided to move home and we are still friends and talk daily. we keep encouraging each other to focus of what is above.