letting it all escape

i don't know what to write so i am just writing.
life is just so weird at times. i feel like my mood is sometimes like indiana weather. i can be happy and content and then the next thing i know there is this sharp pain inside me and i noticed that i am frustrated which is making me angry.
i went and hung out with ashley yesterday and i had fun. i really enjoy handing out with her. anyway on my way home my mind started to run. i tried to slow it down by shutting off the radio which helped tremendously. then my cousin called to tell me he gets to go to my graduation. anyways i came home and sat on the counch to collect myself and then i felt a little frustrated and i didn't know why. i am in this phase where i am trying to be completely honest with myself. so i was trying to think of why i was frustrated and kept telling myself i am going to be honest and not deny it. i don't know if this is it or not but i think i am frustrated because i really don't want to move home and i really want my own apartment and i feel like people are screwing with my plans on how to get that apartment and it is ticking me off. my church took up a graduation collection for me and i was planning on using that money towards the apartment. but the secretary wrote the check out to GRACE COLLEGE and that frustrates me. i don't understand why she did that. i think that this is exactly what is bothering me because i am starting to feel better as i am writing. i just want an apartment or i don't want to move home. why don't i want to move home? because i will be trapped and i don't want to be trapped. i want to BE ON MY OWN! and learn to struggle through life on my own and not having my parents there to support me. and i also don't want to carry their burdens that i will if i move back home.
it is getting down to the wire as to where i am going to live and i hope that if i live at home for a little bit then i will be able to leave.