Have you ever wondered why humans go through the things they do? Why does God allow people to be abused? Why does God allow people to be raped? Why does God allow us to have same sex attractions? Have you ever wondered why God won't take certain thing away from you? Why does he allow certain images to run through our heads? Why does he allow things to happen even though we beg and plead for them to stop.
These are the kind of questions that i had been asking myself. I just didn't understand it. I didn't get why God wouldn't take away something that he doesn't like? I remember growing up and laying in bed at night crying out to God pleading with him to take away these thoughts and feelings that i had. I didn't like that and still don't. After a while i would go through a list of things i knew. I knew that he loved me. I knew that he didn't approve of same sex relationships. I knew that i didn't want to have one either. What i didn't get though was why do i have the desire inside of me? Why does it seem so natural to me? And the biggest question of all why won't God just take it away?
Well I recently was shown something that helped put these questions to ease.
It was around easter and so i started to think about Christ and the cross. I started thinking about how Christ beg and pleaded with God to take this suffering away from him but God chose not to. The journey from the garden to the cross Jesus was tortured and God allowed it to happen. After all the whippings he was nailed to the cross and God allowed it to happen. God allowed his son to go through one of the most painful, humilating deaths in history. Why? Why didn't God take it away? God didn't like it. I am sure he didn't want it to happen.
But God knew something we didn't know and don't know. God knows the future! God knew what was going to come from allowing his son to die on the cross and go through all that pain and torture. Just like God knows what came from the cross he also knows what will come from my struggles of ssa and he knows what will come from your life.
As i started to think about it in a new light it showed me that i can keep fighting and keep going cause God does love me and he wants the best for me and from me. God knows ours sins and sruggles, He knows our hurts and pains, and in some way i believe he is going to use them! so if you are reading this i encourage you to stay strong look forward and keep going cause you will be used by god
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