Something worth blogging about.

I know i just posted like 5 minutes ago but this is actually worth posting about. Everymorning i get up and get online to see who in on, check my email, check my facebook, read my blogs, ( or at least the ones that i find interesting to read), then i might put a puzzle together or even blog but after it is all finished and i have no real reason why i should be on the computer, i find myself staring at my inbox trying to think of something that i forgot to check because i just know that i forgot to check it and if i check it i will have a message there waiting for me but i can't think of anyplace that would be. Just like everyday it happened again today but this time when i looked up i saw my bible sitting on my VCR so i remember the talk i had with God last night so i grabbed it and started to read it. i flipped to a page that was marked and started reading for a couple of lines then i turn the pages and came to the beattitudes (sp?) except in my bible it is called You're blessed.
As i read these they sank into my heart because i knew i was not alone anymore. i felt God speaking to me. i want to share some of them with you.

You're Blessed when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule
You're Blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you
You're Blessed when you're content with just who you are-no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

These were the first three that i read and when i read them they spoke to me because right now i feel like i am at the end of my rope with somethings. i just am at the point where i don't like caring about things. i don't like having hopes and dreams. i am at the point where i just want to live my life and be done. as i read these i thought about how it is God telling me Dottie it is time to come back to me and be who you are. i know that i am not being someone i am not or being fake because i don't like when people are fake. but there are times when i am being myself and others will think different. i need to let that go and know that its there problem if that is what they want to think then they just don't know me like they thought because i owe no explanation to anyone except God.
finally the middle one has been the one that i have been hit the hardest with because i feel like not just the one person but everyone that i hold dear i am losing. i know that i am not but it feels like it and i feel like i have fought a battle against Golaith to keep a grip on them but i need to be me and let them be them and if them and me don't stay close then we don't stay close. i gotta have faith that God will take care of them whether they are with him or in prison or out on the streets. God will teach them the way he whats to be taught.