Selfish Son of a Bitch

so i am have been doing alot of thinking about myself lately and how i treat others and view others . i was thinking about how i am so selfish and i hate it. Given i don't know what is going on inside other people's head when they do a good deed for someone but le me tell you what goes on inside of mine. At first i do it out of love then while i stir on doing something nice i start to think about how it is going to better me and i lose complete focus on why i wanted to do it in the first place. Here are some examples ( its ok if you decide that you don't want to hang out with me after you read this)
Example#1 So a guy that i work with was going on a mission trip and needed someone to cover his hours so i told him yes. my intiall thought was i like him and i don't mind helping him out. my next thought was man look at all the money i am going to get.
Example#2 A friend asks me to be in a wedding and i say yes. My first thought was she deserves to have me in her wedding after all the crap i put her through. my second thought i will be attracting so many people because i will be in a dress.
Example#3 A friend is comes to visit me and another friend wants to visit her so i decide not to go to work because i know she will hang with me and not with her. Yes that was yesterday.

See what i mean! i hate it. i didn't even have a thought to change in the third example and there are more alot more. i want to be less self fish/ i know i cannot become completly selfless but i know i can come more then what i am. it seems like in every situation i find my motive of doing something more of what it is going to get me in the end. i don't like that. i really don't.

i was telling my friend that was here yesterday about it and i called myself a selfish son of a bitch and that is what i am. i am not trying to put myself down i am just being honest. i want to be able to do things for people and share things without thinking about myself.

my friend asked me this question and it might help if i answer it. What is the underlying feeling?
i would have to say fear. especially with my friends. i know its not true and i am still trying to work through it but i am scared that people close to me are going to leave me and i will be alone. given with some of my friends it has been proven true BUT i am still surving and i am ok. and with the others ( really just one other) it is a false assumption that i am waiting to happen and i will probably be waiting for a while cause i don't think it will happen anytime in the next century or so:)

So now that i and you know that part of my selfishness stems from fear i am know a Selfish Scared Son of a bitch. Maybe you help me by giving me ideas to just become a little more selfless in life and be ok with sharing and doing good things for the other person and not for myself.