WOW!!

so i feel like i have so much to say that i don't know if i want to write it all down but i will try to keep going and write it all down.

yesterday was a very thought provoking day for me. In chapel as people were singing worship songs i decided to join in and see if i would get start to enjoy it again because everytime i stand up there to sing i just feel like i am being a hypocrit because i don't get some of the songs. My chaplaing had stated something about worship is when you give God the the glory whether you feel like it or not. i want to give him the glory and i am tired of being selfish so i just kept singing even though everything inside of me said to sit down.
After chapel i did usual stuff and then went home a took a nap.
then i went to encounter and this is where the WOW comes into play.
i LOVE going there but at the same time the place gets on my nerves. i feel like it is a christian rave because everyone is accepted and loved which is good but there is no accountability. it is more like a buffet and you can pick what is right for you. in a sense there is no truth to set up structure. there is no accountability and that doesn't set right with me.
on my way home i was thinking about how we do things that helps us out and how we want to percieve them. it is like we change God to fit our standards. God isn't suppose to change.
i am at a place in life that i don't like because God is disciplining me and he is showing me love.
So i am intrigued by going to encounter because i think they have something going for them i think it is just a bit on the whereever your at its ok extreme.
After going to encounter my friend ashley and i went to get a bite to eat and as she was driving i kept thinking about how my attitude changes when i am around her. i don't feel so stressed. i can't explain it but i like hanging out with her because of the peace that i have. i hate leaving. it is actually of the the hardest things for me to do.
i got home and another friend called me and she asked me my plans for friday and saturday during graduation and i told her that i am not 100% sure and i am not commiting to anything with her because i want to hang out with ashley ans see her family and i don't know what there palns are. My friend got upset and even though she didn't say she was upset i knew she was. and it is ok that she is because i am ok with being who i am and what i want to do. so it was a long day yesterday.