Honestly Am I lying to mylself

When I look deep inside myself I wonder if I am lying to myself? I try to be strong and I try to do the right thing. I tell myself I am not in love with her along with everyone else. But I wonder if i really still do love her like that. I know there is something about us that we shed. Maybe its that i can see clearer now that i am out of the mess. I want to love God and keep God in my life and I pray that I never take him off of where He belongs but I miss her. I really do miss her. Its not about the sex or anything like that cause that dont even matter but i miss her holding me or me holding her. I miss her and her children. I miss her touch. I just miss her. Yeah she has downfalls but everyone tells her about those, what about her good in her. She really knows how to make people laugh, and she is a very great listener. People tell me to forget her and dig into God but I believe you get forget it but all you do is pushing it down inside you and covering it with God like he is a bandaid. I need to be honest and say I MISS HER. I know God can accept that about me. He is ok with me saying that cause that is how i feel and since HE knows that is how i TRULY feel its ok to be honest. so yes i am lying to myself i miss her and still do love her, Cause i know if i saw her right now i would leap for her arms and wouldn't want her to let me go.