it will be ok

Today, I am doing ok but not that great. I am neither up or down at the moment but just here. I have been thinking about alot of stuff and figured i would write it on here to get it out of my mind.

For some reason I am missing the touch of Melissa's hand on my face. When I was a sleep at times she would put her hand on my cheek. I never opened my eyes but i knew that she cared about me. Just so everyone knows i am not missing the romantic relationship i had with her, So when i speak like this Its not that I am still in love with her cause i am not. I miss her, i miss her friendship. I miss talking to her and having someone there to actually listen and actually get me and what i am say. She had a way of making a gray sky blue. When my world seem to be falling all around me she would tell me it would be ok and it was. See Melissa to me was more the a girlfriend it was more than that. She was a friend. Yeah there was bad moments there really was. I mean she is an addict and very ill so she would do whatever she can do to be ok but when she was ok she was the best person i ever knew. Her kids came first to her. Right now i just wish i could lay my head on her shoulder and just cry cause i miss her so fucking much.
I miss my friend, I miss the person that made me see i can be whatever I want to be, I miss her so much. I wish she would get clean and stay clean but being an addicted is such a hard thing to battle. I don't know from experience but living with her and seeing her sick everyday. I seen the pain in her eyes and to not be able to do anything to help her hurt me so bad. I just wanted her to be ok. I had to leave cause i couldnt handle seeing her hurt herself anymore. You know i just wish i could stop in and say hi or just give her a hug. But most of all i wish i could just feel her hand on my cheek letting me know that i will be ok.

Dear Lord, I just pray right now and thank you for giving the time with Melissa that you gave me. I know we lived in sin and I was wrong for that. I know that you have forgiven me. Lord you know my heart and you know that i miss her, and i worry for her. Lord I pray that you continue being with her and help her to see that lies that she has been told and led to believe. Lord help me continue to be strong and continue on with my life one day at a time.